HIGHER GOSSIP is a monthly advice column on problems in sex and love, published in the philosophical magazine The Point. These are columns directed not toward the question “what should I do?,” but rather, “how should I think?”

“I don’t want to go back” What are advice columns for? How can I return to sex after the “total destruction” of having a baby?

“Dilettantes in love” How can I reconcile my private fantasy life with having sex with other people? How do I deal with how jealous I am of my girlfriend’s relationship with her ex?

“The holy evil” Why is equality in love so important to me? Is there such a thing?

“Grand gestures” What’s happened to the grand gesture? How do I reconcile myself to the fact that my ex thought I was the love of his life?

“Seductive delusions” What do I do when my friend insists we’re in love? Is a long-term romance a rich form of “experience,” or do I need to leave it to have the important adventures?

“Can we ever trust ourselves?” How do I reconcile how hard my partner works with the way I want to subvert work? If the type I’m drawn to clearly isn’t right for me, how can I find love?

“A perfect degree of subjection” Is my miraculous, amazing, incredibly painful marriage normal? Is ‘good advice’ just kind of inherently unromantic in its avoidance of pain?

“Is sex fun?” What if my girlfriend and I conceive of sex in completely different ways? Is sex “fun,” or is that entirely the wrong word for it?

“Performance Issues” Why do the men I sleep with want to call me a dirty little slut or a fairy princess? What role does performance have in sex?

“Inappropriate desires” How do I deal with the fact that I’m attracted to women who are too young for me? Why can’t I fantasize about more appropriate targets than my coworkers?

“Does love just happen to us?” Does love always hit like a lightning bolt? If it doesn’t, what is it?

Have a problem or question? Send it in.